Ahh, Christmas movies. The bread and butter of family bonding time since the TV was invented. Before that, what did families binge on after their Christmas dinners?
We get it, Hollywood. Every movie needs a climax and a resolution. But this is 2021 – why are people still running around airports to confess their love when sending an email is clearly more romantic?
Some of our favorite Christmas classics take place before the internet hit the mainstream. Let’s see what happens when we introduce the miracle of email to these loveable characters’ lives.
6 emails that could have saved Christmas
We all know the story: Kevin gets sent to the attic (we blame Buzz) and somehow his parents “accidentally” leave him behind and go off galavanting around Paris. Don’t even get us started. The writers bend over backwards to convince us it wasn’t bad parenting – it was a freak storm, a power outage, and missed alarms.
Seeing as the writers are adding in all these strange coincidences, why not add a little coincidence known as email? Here’s the pitch, Hollywood directors: Kevin wakes up to find the house empty (cue Culkin face), runs downstairs to boot up his Apple II and gets himself some breakfast while it loads.
Half an hour later, the computer has finally booted up, the dial-up is configured, and Kevin sends the following email:
You left me at home. ALONE.
I can’t believe you FORGOT me. You’re the worst parents ever…
Seconds before boarding the plane, Kevin’s dad gets the email on his pager, “Help!” The family rushes home and embraces Kevin. The Wet Bandits scurry off, and we save ourselves watching Marv step on a nail – ugh.
When was the last time your dad took an interest in your love life or set you up with someone? That would be pretty weird, right? Apparently not, if your stepdad is Daniel (Liam Neeson). After two hours of (painful) drumming romance between Sam and his American classmate, Joanna, Daniel takes Sam to the airport for a last-ditch attempt to confess his love. But they get stopped at a security gate where this meme-worthy scene occurs:
Daniel: “Look, we’re not actually flying.”
Airport security: “You can’t come through without a boarding pass.”
Daniel (with eyebrows raised): “Not even to let the boy say goodbye to the love of his life?”
Airport security: “No.”
Sam is absolutely crushed. An eight-year-old kid should not be dealing with this kind of emotional turmoil. As a responsible parent (which apparently doesn’t exist around the holidays), Daniel should have created a Yahoo account for Sam and helped him write a heartfelt email:
Subject: I’m actually in love with you
I love you! K, bye forever.
Now we don’t have to watch kids and their parents singing and dancing to “All I Want for Christmas” – you’re welcome.
Miracle on 34th Street
Only a US Christmas movie could have Santa on trial with a one-dollar bill ultimately saving the day. This doesn’t sound very Christmassy – what’s Santa doing in prison to begin with? Well, he got jumped in an alleyway and defended himself, but onlookers walked in at just the wrong time…
With Kris Kringle behind bars, Christmas might just get canceled… Cue Culkin sad face.
Wait, is that a bird? Is that a plane? No, it’s email saving Christmas again, with the power of social campaigning. The moment Santa is locked up, our attorney dad (Bryan) creates a website (www.freesanta.com) with an email capture form embedded. Building a healthy contact list of supporters, he can then rally the troops and stage protests, get TV coverage, or pile on political pressure. Bryan’s six-year-old daughter, Susan, makes for a perfect poster child:
Subject: Free Santa
Dear Santa supporters,
Santa’s been locked up! The court thinks he’s some crazy old man. But I don’t think he’s crazy, he promised me he would get me a house, a baby brother, and get my parents back together…
Let’s all meet today at Central Park for a charoling protest.
And so the people made it clear that they believe in Santa again. The judge overrules any charges of “assault,” and Susan has all her wishes come true. The end.
In the slightly creepy mythical town of Whoville, six-year-old Cindy Lou has taken it upon herself to remind everyone that Christmas is about more than just presents – it’s about love and kindness. Against everyone’s wishes, she nominates the Grinch to be the town’s “Holiday Cheermeister” – whatever that is.
Now this little girl has to hike up Mount Crumpit in the freezing cold to hand-deliver the Grinch’s invite. Or does she? Seeing as this is a mythical land, perhaps we can introduce the miracle of email and save her a lot of effort:
Subject: Whobilation One-Thousand Celebration
Dear Mr. Grinch,
In the spirit of the season, the organizing committee of Whobilation One-Thousand cordially invites you to be our Holiday Cheermeister at the Whobilation One-Thousand Celebration.
Celebrate and dine with friends at 7:30pm.
Dress code: Holiday attire
And so, as the Grinch reads the beautifully crafted email invite, tears begin to roll down his green face. By respecting his boundaries, Cindy Lou communicated with the Grinch in a way that made him feel comfortable, making the Grinch a little more excited about the celebration. Who would have thought email could deliver such a powerful Christmas story?
Imagine you were raised by Santa, and then one day, you find out your real father is alive and well in New York City. Would you turn up unannounced? Or give your new dad some heads up?
Well, our man-elf Buddy (Will Ferrell) chooses the former and then gets mistaken for somebody else and kicked out of the building. Ouch…
Now, if our elf had chosen the latter and given his estranged father (Walter) some notice, things would have gone a lot smoother. What’s the quickest way to send a message from the North Pole to New York? You got it, an email!
Subject: Heads up
Guess what? I’m your son! I’m coming to New York to hang out.
See you soon, Dad!
After an emotional email exchange, Buddy arrives at his father’s office. Security expects him, greets him with a delightful gift basket, and escorts him to the top floor. As the elevator door opens, Walter drops his cup of coffee onto the floor, shattering into a million pieces as time freezes. Buddy and his estranged father run towards each other in slow motion and powerfully embrace. After 90 seconds, the credits roll, making Elf the shortest Oscar-winning movie ever to be made.
The Santa Clause
You’ve got to feel bad for our main character, Scott (Tim Allen). First, he burns the turkey, then he murders Santa accidentally. After falling off the roof, Santa’s corpse literally melts into the snow, leaving behind a mysteriously vague calling card.
So now poor old Scott has to go to the North Pole to figure out what’s going on. Do you know how far it is from Illinois to the North Pole? Almost 3,000 miles. Do you know how cold it is in the Arctic? Around – 40°F (- 30°C). Even with the cute reindeer, that journey is going to be a freezing slog – and that’s not including the drive back. Does he get airline miles for this?
Santa’s business card should at least have a customer support email on the back. Then Scott could have saved himself some missing fingers and toes with the following email:
Subject: Santa’s dead…
Santa’s fallen off my roof and died. I swear I had nothing to do with it!
Anyway, I found this card and felt that I should tell you I’m not going to take over as Santa. You’ll have to find someone else… I’m sorry, but I have work on Monday. What am I going to tell my boss – that I’m Santa now?
P. S . There’s some reindeer on top of my garage you might want to collect.
Without even realizing, Scott helps North Pole’s HR team rethink their bizarre recruitment strategy and start developing internal talent. Why look outside the company when there are so many talented elves with potential?
And there you have it – six undisputable stories of how email saves Christmas!
We like to poke fun at Christmas movies, but all jokes aside, we really love them. Email geeks or not – we’re only human after all. So whether it’s a romantic gesture, a heartfelt moment, or just silly fun, these Christmas movies are here to remind us to not take life too seriously!
So, wherever you are this holiday season and however you choose to spend it, we hope you have fun. We’ll see you next year with fresh email marketing insights and developments.
From all the elves here at Mailjet – Happy Holidays!
Subscribe to our newsletter
We have some exciting email marketing research, seasonal insights, and useful guides planned for 2022. Don’t miss out – subscribe to our newsletter.